How To Turn A Hot Chick Into A Geek

Getting a hot chick to go out with you is a difficult thing and countless books, websites and TV shows have covered the topic. So let's say you follow the advice to the letter and, shockingly, it works. Now you're a geek going out with a super hot chick and the two of you have absolutely zero in common. Let's change that; let's turn a Hot Chick Into a Geek.

The key to flipping any hot "square" into an uberhot geek is the Bridge Theory. When two land masses are separated (by water, by a canyon, whatever), the easiest way to bring them together is a bridge. Bridge Theory for flipping a hot square works the same way; most hot chicks CAN be turned geek if you know the proper "bridge."

For each geeky category, there are several bridges. Use the bridges and you will be able to increase the geek factor notch by notch. Forget the bridges and your hot chick will never, ever be interested in that subgenre of geekdom again. So don't have her sit through an all day marathon of "Red Dwarf" unprepared or she will never want to watch anything remotely Britcom or sci fi again.

Be careful, take your time and you'll have a model quoting "They Live" in no time.

Hot chicks normally like mainstream, multiplex flicks. This should be obvious; they contain good looking stars, which are people they can relate to. I'm not suggesting all hot chicks are shallow. Not at all. But just like how you enjoyed "Superbad" so much because you related to the fat and nerdy protagonists, hot chicks enjoy movies like "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" because they contain people like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

The key, then, to a cinematic bridge is to find a middle ground between geekiness and hot. The perfect "bridge" filmmaker, when it comes to genre flicks, is Quentin Tarantino. Every one of his flicks from "Pulp Fiction" onward have had the perfect balance of hot chicks and celebrities on one side and geeky genre film worship on the other. It's an added bonus that he writes so well for women, making his two part "Kill Bill" flick and his half of "Grindhouse" ("Death Proof") the perfect bridges between your hot chick and genres of cinema as diverse as martial arts flicks, slasher flicks and road movies.

Once your hot chick has seen good looking, intelligent female characters having fun in films that not only hint at other, older genre flicks but also out and out reference them, you're set. After checking out "Kill Bill," for example, you might as well show her "Shogun Assassins;" that 1980 film was the one the Bride's daughter as watching, after all. You could throw in some "Enter The Dragon," "Drunken Master" and any anime of your choosing for good measure. If you use the "bridge" and time it well, you'll have a super sexy Asian cinema fanatic in no time.

"Death Proof" is a shorter film than "Kill Bill" but it's possibly more potent with its genre film connections. If your lady digs Tarantino's "car slasher" flick starring Kurt Russell, she'll probably take a liking to flicks like "Escape from New York" and "Big Trouble in Little China." If she was able to handle the "thrills and chills," she might enjoy some legitimate slasher flicks, like "Halloween," "Last House on the Left" and "Friday the 13th." And in the probable scenario that your lady is turned on by the car's in the film, you're fuckin' in. You can not only parlay that into her interest in speed flicks (like "Vanishing Point," the original "Gone in 60 Seconds" and "The French Connection,") but you might be able to get her into racing video games too.

Don't push your luck TOO hard with this bridge, however. Just because she's starting to enjoy Asian movies doesn't mean she won't run away in terror if you put on the hentai porn (though if she sticks around, you and your tentacle monster are safe). Same goes for slasher flicks; she might enjoy "Halloween" but that doesn't mean she's ready for "Cannibal Holocaust." If you had the patience it takes to cultivate a hot chick, though, you should be fine.

Die Hard gaming girls do exist. Thanks to G4TV and Morgan Webb, we know this is true. Now, hot die hard gaming girls? Ones who ACTUALLY play video games (we're looking at YOU Olivia Munn)? That is a rare breed.

And while you might not be able to convert your hottie into a "true" die hard gamer, you should be able to get her pretty interested in video games. And for that, you can thank Nintendo and their its flagship title: the Wii.

Now, I am not suggesting it's time for you to ditch your PS3 and XBox 360 (and their superior graphics and, in many cases, gameplay) and dedicate your life to the Wii. That'd be pretty retarded. But the Wii is a perfect bridge system for hot chicks.

Now, the reason why hot chicks have been excluding themselves from the gamer demographic for so long is because of the public perception that video games are anti social. While us dudes might find that concept one of the more appealing aspects of video games, the same does not fly for hot chicks. Hot chicks, by their very nature, are social. The fastest way for a hot chick to gain validation is to appear in a social situation and appear insanely hot. This is why girls wear hot dresses (it has nothing to do with us, fellas).

Wii Sports and Wii Fit, then, are perfect games to lure in the girls because they're both social and they have the added dubious benefit of being exercise (which hot chicks enjoy). Once they've either mastered or grown tired of both games, it's time for step two: get her Guitar Hero. Yes, I know Guitar Hero for Wii is shitty. Far shittier than its counterparts on other systems. But it will serve as the perfect buffer between your hottie and the purchase of an XBox 360 and/or PS3.

Once your significant(ly hotter) other has realized the limitations of the system, she'll start dropping hints she wants Rock Band and an XBox. Trust me, I'm there now. I actually have to ask my (hot) girlfriend to stop playing video games every so often; when she gets in her zone, there's no stopping that crazy, crazy girl.

Now there are some games that, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to nor would you want to convincer her she likes. Chief among those games is "World of Warcraft." Hot chicks don't like totally immersive games where you bury yourself into a character; they don't need to escape reality so they choose not to. Also, any game that requires you give it more attention than your girlfriend HAS to be bad for your relationship.

Be careful and game in caution.

Comic Books and graphic novels (especially) have gained much prominence in the last 10 years. What started out as mere colored ink on pulp is now an industry that pumps out awesome stories and new and ever exciting properties by the week.

A suitable bridge for hot chicks to get into comics is the work of James Kochalka. James does these autobiographical anthologies where he documents his somewhat mundane life and, as luck would have it, depicts himself as an elf. For anyone who hasn't seen his work, it sounds pretty, well, gay. And it sort of is, but at the same time it's pretty funny and, more importantly, thanks to the cutesy drawing style, the kind of stuff your hot girlfriend will like (she'd been in good company; Frank Miller likes Kochalka's stuff as well).

After she's checked out Kochalka, you can slowly introduce her to Brian K. Vaughn. The easiest "in" at this point would be "Runaways." Even though it's an awesomely written and drawn comic that's both hilarious and action packed, "Runaways" still remains, in its core, what it was commissioned as: a comic for girls.

From "Runaways," you can quickly and painlessly move on to more Vaughn stuff (especially the girl-friendly "Y: The Last Man"). You can also easily move her onto some manga (if that's your scene).

Go slowly moving into straight super hero stuff, though. Just because she digs the skrull in "Runaways" doesn't mean she'll want to read every back issue of John Byrne's run on "Fantastic 4."

Here's a toughie. There's no true bridge from a hot chick to science fiction. The work of Richard Kelly and Joss Whedon is probably the closest we've got and "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" and "Donnie Darko" both seem like perfect bridges on the surface level. But both examples are, upon deeper inspection, far too nerdy for a simple dabbler.

There's something off putting about science fiction to hot chicks. I haven't quite put my finger on it, but I think it has something to do with the fact that, in sci fi, any truly hot chick is either an alien or a member of the Borg.

Future filmmakers out there, there's an opening: make the sci fi equivalent to "Kill Bill" and you will be a hero to millions of geeks everywhere. Good luck with that.